A Personal Note (Why There's Nothing Exciting Here Lately)

I'm going throw in a personal update here, because at least Taryn has been missing my real blogging, and it's something that I would like to find more time to do.

Part of the reason for the silence has been the recent madness with my real life (living situations, people, jobs, etc.) and subsequent total lack of time/energy for blog-writing; it may or may not be apparent that I put a significant portion of energy into these posts, so after I work for upwards of twelve hours a day on very little sleep, I'm barely up for living my own life, let alone sharing rants and observation in a remotely coherent manner.

Part of it is also that there is just SO MUCH that I want to rant about, that it becomes a little overwhelming. I used to have a sticky note on my desktop that had blog ideas on it, but that's either disappeared, or been deleted, which is fine, actually, because it was painfully obsolete anyway.

But! I have lately been settling into the new rhythms of my life a little bit more, and have been trying to recommit myself to my arts and the things that actually fill and sustain me and give me pleasure.

I'm on Redbubble!

Guys! I officially have a Redbubble store! http://www.redbubble.com/people/klunkybootsart?ref=artist_title_name
So you should check it out and buy some stickers or something, and (as always) let me know what else you'd like to see. I have a whole mess of plans of in my head waiting to be drawn.
Also, keep your eye out for commission info soon, because I'm finally working on putting that together for you too.

An Open Love Letter

I sometimes think that I don't let you know how grateful I am for you, even though you're such a huge part of my life. So I decided in the pale, predawn hours of this morning that I would finally tell you that I love you, write the words and really think through what it is that you mean to me.

Leaving you is hardest part of every day, and I look forward to coming back to you for hours after; sometimes even knowing that I'll see you later that day, I look forward to tomorrow and throwing myself at you all over again.

I don't always realize it, but you are one of the most important constants in my life. Every night that I have to spend without you is uncomfortable at best, and sleepless at worst. It's only when I don't have it, that I realize how comforting you are, how you are always waiting for me with open arms, willing to hold my blood, sweat, and tears, every emotion, every mood, day or night, with nothing but rest and safety for me.

You catch my tears and warm my coldest nights.

The trust that I have for you runs so deep that I've never even had to consider it. I place myself at your mercy at my most vulnerable moments, when I'm exhausted, or euphoric, or lost, and you never disappoint me. It has never once even entered my mind that you might not be there, or that I might have any cause to hold back with you; you've seen every side of me, and the intimacy we have is so profound as to be casual and thoughtless.

You carry my dreams like newborn chicks, cradling them gently for me until I can come get them, keeping them safe.

Bed, you are my rock, and I will love you forever, no matter what changes we both go through, no matter where you happen to be, as long as I can envelope myself in your softness at the end of the day, as long as I know that you are waiting for me, I can face any morning.

Self portraits

I was thinking earlier about the way that I conceptualize who I am, and I got to thinking about the way that I draw myself, and what those representations say.

Inktober Highlights

I doubt if those of you who are interested in my artistic escapades have missed these, since I've been whoring my stuff all over the internet--supposedly that's supposed to make a difference and make anyone at all care about my art or my goals--but I figured in the name of consistency and stalling on my already behind NaNoWriMo novel, I'd post them here too.

Those mostly don't suck. I missed three days total during the month, which I suppose isn't bad. I do feel like I got a little better at using pen, which is something I've been wanting to improve basically forever, so I guess that was good. 

I find a like doing these month long challenges. I did a 30 day yoga series just before/during this, and I've theoretically started NaNoWriMo again. We'll see if that one happens. I've been kind of done with life, the universe, and everything lately, so finding anything in myself that genuinely desires to create or express myself has been a struggle. Right now I'm kind of waiting to see if a hugely personal, emotional outburst will find its way out of me, but so far I've remembered that I don't actually want to do that.

Oh, and here's my Halloween costume. I was busy the whole day, which is why I didn't end up drawing.

I tied in the costume contest at my sister's bar, so that was kind of cool. 

Back to my hole I go.

Here's a video. Please watch.

"If not me, who? If not now, when?" I know it's almost fifteen minutes, but everyone should watch this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-iFl4qhBsE

Gender equality is an ongoing fight, you guys, and we need all of the feminists in the world, men, women, and children, to step up and be open and critical. We need to have those conversations and educate ourselves and each other and start talking about and solving those problems that we, as a society, are still fighting. 

Be proud to call yourself a feminist. It does not make you a man-hater, or a dyke, or brimming with penis envy. It isn't about "women's issues." It means you are a compassionate, aware human being that cares about and is willing to fight for the rights of your fellow humans.

Some Brain Spew on Weight Loss

Urg, internet. I'm all annoyed now, and it's not even about the subject of today's rant. It's making me want to start a tangent rant about stupid people and pet ownership. And empty threats and complaints without the intent of correction. But, I should probably leave all that to the side since it's all just happening right now in my real life. This is the price of suddenly being surrounded by young adults who think they know what they're doing.

Anyway, I've been weirdly focused on food lately, and at work today I heard a radio commercial that just filled me with horror and irritation, and then I decided to write a blog post about it.

There I was, filling up egg pans before the morning rush, half listening to the classic rock station, and then this commercial came on for a weight loss center. They advertised for both "natural and chemical" weight loss methods, as well as single day visits and lifestyle/nutrition counselors to help you half-ass your way into being skinny.

At first glance, there wasn't really anything wrong with the ad, but it still infuriated me, because I hate--hate with a fiery, righteous passion-- this idea of losing weight for the sake of being skinnier. There's this disgusting focus on that, and it's everywhere. If a celebrity isn't skeletal or impossibly toned, people will comment on their figure, and it's this idiotic expectation that everyone in the entire world should look that way. There's no regard for health, body type, psychology, motivation, method, or diversity. It's all about results. Really, a singular, poisonous result.

Here's the ugly truth, boys and girls: people have different body types. They're shaped differently. Not everyone can be slim, shapely, and muscular. In fact, almost no one is all three of those because of their intrinsic contradictions in a body, and the way that we are about being thin and about eating, no one is really likely to be.

The thing is, that's not an ugly truth. Those aren't ugly bodies. Healthy bodies are not ugly. I say that as an artist with an ongoing love affair with the human shape. I love drawing the figure, but I don't love only drawing hourglass shaped women (as much as I love my sexy pin-up girls), and I don't only love drawing Superman. When I took figure drawing, my favorite models were the ones that were interesting to look at and fun to talk to, and that usually means not having a conventionally beautiful or symmetrical face.

But that's not exactly where I originally meant to go. This whole obsession with an end without regard to anything else, like whether it's healthy, or longterm, or even beneficial is one of the things that's been on my mind a lot. It shows up in Western culture a lot, but especially education, medicine, and this.

I watched Forks Over Knives the other day, along with a whole mess of Ted Talks about food and health and whatnot, and it really made me start thinking about the way that we relate to our food,
("How can anyone have a relationship to food?" Shrinking Women)
and more and more I notice how profoundly sickening it is the majority of the time. People eat the worst crap all of the time, and then complain about health problems caused directly by their laziness and gluttony.

How can you be shocked that you're overweight or diabetic when you eat garbage all the time?

Most of the stuff I was watching contended that the majority of health problems we have in Western culture are totally preventable and even the existing, chronic ailments can be mitigated by controlling what we put in our body.

But doing that requires putting in effort. We don't want to be healthier or feel better. We want to wear a bikini and eat a gallon of icecream. Why do things that benefit your body and mental health when you can just throw money and pills at it, or become a slave to self-denial?

I think this will need to explode into a few different posts. There's too much that I'm trying to say right now, and it's getting very muddled and confusing, so I'll stop now and try to sort my thoughts a little. I think it can break down into two or three separate topics. They're just all very tangled together.